If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
