So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
