"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
