he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
