guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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