he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
