cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Randomize
