im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
