I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Randomize
