I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
