Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
