it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
