While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
