i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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