Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
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