She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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