Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
