I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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