I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
