I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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