brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
