Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
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Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
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