I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
