i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
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