i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
