I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
