I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
