His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
