I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
