Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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