so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
