I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
