I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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