I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
