drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I think I sprained my soul last night
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
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