Swine flu is the new snow day.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
