he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize
