i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
handjob tips. give me some.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
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