i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
