Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
