He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
