Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Are we still banned from the library?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
