bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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