and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Randomize
