suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
send nudes
from the living room?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
