mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
and she was petting her beer can
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
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