people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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