So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Randomize
