I puked a lego.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
