The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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